She used to get angry at you occasionally, but now she sounds like she hates you!
What happened to your lovely wife? She goes from feeling stable to feeling intensely resentful or irritated in seconds! Two words: perimenopause rage.
The good thing is, it's not you. The bad thing is that you will have to deal with it before it gets better.
The perimenopause rage doesn't mean that she went crazy. She won't be this way forever. There is a chemical reason for what's happening.
Estrogen affects the production of serotonin. Serotonin is a mood regulator and happiness booster. Her body produces less estrogen, so her emotions feel way off the center.
Her feelings of rage will usually be touch and go. It may be more prominent for a week or two, then disappear for the next month. This is because her estrogen levels are declining over time. Her estrogen-serotonin balance will be thrown off with each period of decline.
Her emotions will stabilize after her body adjusts to the decrease in estrogen.
Now you understand what's going on. And you will be able to ease the rage and smooth the transition. I know you want to get away from it all. And sometimes you should do that too, but only some of the time. You are critical, and she needs you. So here are steps that could work:
1. Find a positive outlet for yourself that won't make her mad.
2. Accept her anger. Don't tell her she is unreasonable, ridiculous, crazy, or whatever. Don't judge. Don't argue. Don't take it personally. It's not you.
3. She knows she is off. She can't help it at that moment. She can't back off at that moment. Do not put her down, do not dismiss her, don't push her. Validate her feelings.
4. Recognize her triggers. Or at least try to. Keep a "diary," and make a note of what happened. Maybe something will pop up as a trigger which you could then try to avoid.
5. Don't react. Take a step back. You cannot fix it. Write yourself secret notes: "Don't react." And try your best not to react. Did I mention don't react?
6. Only sometimes listen to your friends. They don't love your wife. You do.
Please email me; I might have some more insights for you.