How much sex during midlife is just the right amount?

A recent article in NYT, "Setting Couples on the Path to a Richer Sex Life" by Alix Strauss, set me on a path of searching through multiple resources published online, talking to friends, and sifting through a lot of statistics.

I was looking for an answer to a simple question: How much sex should I have in midlife? What is too often, and what is not often enough? What is the healthy amount?

The most common scenario was anywhere between 1 to 5 times per week. That’s a big spread.

I tried to narrow it down. It appears that middle-aged men think about having sex 5-7 times per week and would be satisfied with having one about 3-5 times per week. Middle-aged women think about sex 3-5 times per week and would be happy with having sex 3-5 times per week.

"There is a big difference between sex and intimacy," said Cyndi Darnell, a sex therapist interviewed in the article mentioned above. "Not everyone wants sex with intimacy or intimacy with sex." She further commented on other misconceptions about intimacy and sex: “That good sex is spontaneous, simultaneous, and mutually orgasmic – that’s a lie. That sex is intercourse – also a lie. That desire is essential to have good sex. It’s not. And that men and women are profoundly different, not true.”

Hmmm, a lot to ponder about.

Many resources for middle-aged women are very vocal about the "Use it or lose it" mantra when discussing sex during perimenopause and menopause. Sexual arousal and orgasm improve the blood flow to your sex organs. This improved blood flow can reduce vaginal atrophy or lessen its severity. More blood flow also reduces dryness which helps maintain a healthy vagina.

Having sex more often (solo or partnered) is crucial for encouraging healthy blood flow to the vaginal tissues. That, in turn, keeps tissues stretchier and more lubricated, which can make intimacy more comfortable./1./

Well, friends, if we want to stay healthy, we need to try to have sex every other day. Spontaneous or not, ready or not. Put it on your daily schedule, like going to the gym or walking. You know what I mean, 3000 steps per day. You might not always feel like going to the gym. Still, you will go because you know it's healthy and good for you, and when you are there, you will start liking it, and when you are finished, you will be happy and satisfied and return for more. Unless your gym instructor sucks, and in that case, please read my infidelity blog post before you jump onto any wild and crazy adventure.

Follow the link to cast your vote in the Fun Stuff Forum poll!

https://www.renatamd.com/forum/love-and-romance/does-sex-make-us-happier

Resources:

1. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vaginal-atrophy/symptoms-causes/syc-20352288

How Do You Find Time to exercise?

Michelle L. Segar, Ph.D., MPH from the North American Menopause Society advises the following steps:

1. Make a conscious decision that you want to start getting the incredible well-being and self-care benefits that physical activity brings (improved mood and sleep, weight loss).

2. Decide what experiences you want to gain from physical activity, such as reduced stress or social time with friends.

3. Choose a physical activity that will give you that experience (walking outside in nature, playing a team sport).

4. Schedule that activity into your day and permit yourself to leave whatever you are working on to do it.

5. Be flexible. If you only have 10 minutes instead of the planned 30, do your activity anyway.

6. Evaluate whether the activity you chose is giving you the experiences you wanted. If it isn't a positive experience, try a new activity, a different teacher, a lower intensity, or a different time of day.

7. Experiment. Figuring out the best activity for you can be a process that takes some time, but it will be worth it.

8. Decide if enhancing your sense of well-being is time well spent.
   

Below are a couple of tips by personal trainer Kricia Ungano on how to get rid of menopause belly and get better sleep:

As we feel the body transition to new hormone levels, symptoms of fatigue, mood swings, and difficulty sleeping, amongst others, are prevalent. So how do we find the best solution to meet our needs? It can be as simple as re-assessing what we are already doing and possibly tweaking it. For the active exercise practitioner, it should be easier to get moving. On the other hand, less active individuals should begin adding mobility movements. Tip #1 For starters, Yoga is a great way to begin. Are you pressed for time? Pull up a YouTube video on Yoga for Beginners. Or join a Yoga class at your local gym. Group classes motivate those who need a little push. Studies have shown it may also help you sleep better. Tip #2 It would be best to incorporate additional exercises such as strength or resistance training. Grab a pair of 5lb dumbbells or resistance bands and target a muscle group to work on. Again, simple guidance through a YouTube video can help get you going. Or better yet, sign up for personal training services at your local gym. The benefits will help reduce fat, improve muscular strength and burn calories more effectively. Letting muscles function as they are meant to work will also help create better sleep patterns. And my favorite advice:

"If you are squeezed for time, shrink your goal to 5 or 10 minutes of movement. You'll be able to fit in a mini-workout and feel better after moving your body. Now you've made time for exercise."

Yes, You Can!

I agree; I was a little bit short of breath :))

But it is The Andes, after all! And I went from sea level and 100 degrees Fahrenheit in Florida to 11,000 feet elevation and 10 degrees Fahrenheit in Portillo, Chile. And seriously, almost everyone here was in the "midlife" stage of their life and having a blast!