I knew so much more going into pregnancy and childbirth than I did into menopause! And I was so much more prepared! There were books and classes, baby showers, breastfeeding instructions, and even strangers telling me what to expect! But nobody talks openly about what to expect during different stages of menopause. I might have heard coworkers talking about black cohosh for hot flashes, and I noticed a handful of supplements for premenopausal women, but that was about it. The web contains information about "andropause" (hormonal changes related to aging in men) and how to stop or slow down that process. There are thousands of websites, blogs, hormonal boosters, and supplements for every possible symptom of "andropause." Most of the advice for aging men is centered around maintaining their muscle mass, strength, libido, sexuality, capacity for intense orgasms, and simply feeling fabulous. Most advice for aging women relates to fixing the visible signs of aging, like wrinkles or not-so-perky breasts. Still, little is said about maintaining their libido and the importance of sexual satisfaction.
Women's personal need to remain in their prime is sometimes depicted as vain and hollow. For women, aging is framed as a series of unavoidable losses starting with a loss of fertility. Loss of sexuality, beauty, and desirability follows. We are told that this is natural and unavoidable. The fact that we lose fertility is true. But it is also true that our life expectancy not so long ago was half what it is now. So why not extend those years where sexual release is as natural as food? There is nothing wrong with deciding to be in peace with the aging process and the decrease in sexuality that comes with it. But there is nothing wrong with prolonging those years, where sexual release and orgasm is as natural experience as drinking a cup of coffee.
During the first few premenopausal years, I stayed in denial. The position of denial seemed safe and comfortable. Subtle changes happening to my body were quiet and slow, and nothing seemed wrong with me technically yet. While searching the web for possible answers, I entered the wasteland of incoherent blogs marketing different creams, supplements, and devices. The information seemed fractioned, overwhelming, dull, and not helpful, so I gave up.
The first annoying change started around the age of 50. It was a steady weight gain resulting from my body's metabolism slowing down. I continued to blame myself for not being disciplined enough, not exercising enough, blah, blah.
I continued to exercise, eat less, and gain weight in the wrong places. About a year later, I noticed my hair was not looking that awesome anymore. I figured it was related to stress. Then I started to lose my muscle mass.
Fortunately, around the same time, I developed a relationship that became passionate. By then, I was in full menopause, and things were not working as they were during my prime years. And so, my search for ways to renew and maintain my youthfulness, sexuality, and desirability began. But more about that in my following blogs.